Vampire Stew
by Starzilla
Summary: After getting bitten, Van Helsing develops the hunger of the werewolf...and he eyes Dracula as his dinner! R&R!
1. Part 1

**Vampire Stew**

**AN: I got the idea from a suggestion I gave for cubangirl's parody of VH, and I think this would make a good fic. I don't own VH and enjoy!**

Over at Dracula's ball, Van Helsing flew up and down on the trapeze on a mission to rescue Anna from the clutches of the vampire count. But he had the strangest feeling when he saw Dracula since he had been bitten by a werewolf named Velkan (Anna's brother). But it's NOT what you think...

Instead, he felt hungry.

_Earlier in the ball..._

While Anna is forced to dance with Dracula below, Van Helsing watched the two but kept his gaze on Dracula. His stomach began to growl, and drool ran down his chin.

"Van Helsing?" his friend, Carl, said as he tapped Van Helsing on the shoulder. "Are you goggling at Dracula?"

Van Helsing nodded hungrily.

_Now back to the present..._

Van Helsing grabbed Anna while Carl had set Dracula on fire before the vampire could take a bite out of Anna's neck. Anna and Van Helsing made it to a balcony when Van Helsing said, "Wait here, Anna. I'll take care of Dracula."

"Good!" Anna sighed with relief. "I hope you give that beast what for!"

Van Helsing flew down in front of Dracula, who was just standing there. "Oh hello, Gabriel," Dracula greeted with a smile. "How are you-ARGH!" Dracula was cut off when Van Helsing picked him up and put him over his shoulder. "HELP! Gabriel, what on earth are you doing? Put me down this instant!"

But Van Helsing continued to carry Dracula until they reached the kitchen. Van Helsing shut the door, and he found some rope on the floor. He immediately took it and tied Dracula up. He found a cookbook and flipped through it.

"Gabriel, what are you up to? And why are you reading a cookbook?" Dracula asked.

Van Helsing ignored him as he looked for the perfect recipe to cook Dracula in. He found one. "Vampire Stew! I'll have me some stew tonight!"

Dracula gasped. "Oh no! You're a werewolf? This cannot be!"

"How did you know?" Van Helsing asked as a trail of saliva slid down his face.

"You know what the favorite food for werewolves is? It's vampires! They eat us like we're delicacies! Remember the last time? We lost Edward, but who cares about him?"

**AN: No offense to Twilight fans, of course.**

"Sweet!"

At that moment, Anna (in her normal clothes), Carl (in his normal clothes also), and Frankenstien's monster walked into the kitchen.

"Oh hey, Frankie," Van Helsing greeted as he searched the pantries and kept his eye on Dracula at the same time. He was VERY hungry right now and the last thing he wanted to happen was to have his dinner escape. "How did you get here?"

"Igor and those dwergi found me in the cemetery, but I took care of them," Frankie answered.

In the cemetery, Igor and some dwergi were lying on the ground, moaning after a beating from the monster.

Back to the kitchen...

Dracula turned towards Anna and desperately pleaded, "PLEASE, Anna! I'm begging you! Save me! I'm very sorry for what I did to your family, just get me outta here!"

Anna thought for a moment. "Hmmmm...no."

Dracula started wailing, but Van Helsing snapped, "Will you shut up? I don't want you to be loud!" By the time he said that, Van Helsing had a bunch of ingredients he needed to make his stew. There were potatoes, carrots, onions, a bunch of water, and...much to Dracula's shock...garlic!

Anna found a big pot and dragged it to Van Helsing. "Use this!"

"Thank you, Anna," Van Helsing said as he accepted the pot and placed it on the stove. He poured the water in and turned to stove on. Then he picked Dracula and put him into the pot.

"Gabriel! Don't do this to me, please!" Dracula begged.

"Lighten up, Dracula!" Van Helsing shouted as he took a knife and started chopping potatoes. "Think of this as the last hot bath you'll ever have...one that doesn't have acid."

**I guess I'll stop here since I'm not sure what to do next. What do you think should happen next?**


	2. Part 2

**Part 2!**

Van Helsing hummed as he chopped more carrots and onions for his big pot of stew. Dracula was still wailing over the last moments of his life.

"Oh, woe is me! I'm the greatest vampire of them all, and I'm about to be werewolf food! Why does my life have to end like this? After all, I have three wives and heaven knows how many kids!"

Anna smirked. "You don't have any more wives. I got rid of the crazy redhead of yours." That made Dracula cry even more.

Van Helsing turned the stove on to boil the water. At that moment, Dracula was trying to find a way to escape. He looked at the ropes that bound him, and he used his sharp fingernails to saw the rope off. When he was free, he jumped out of the pot. "Ha! I'm free!" He ran out of the kitchen.

Now Van Helsing was enraged. "WHAT? I WILL NOT REST UNTIL I HAD MY DINNER!" He ran after Dracula, but he couldn't find him. Luckily, he caught his scent in the woods nearby. "I can smell you, Draccy!"

"Shoot!" Dracula hissed as he poked his head out of a tree trunk. He jumped out to find another hiding spot.

"Come out, come out, wherever you are..." Van Helsing called out. He found Dracula in a pile of leaves. "Found you!"

"Drat." Dracula ran away from Van Helsing.

Van Helsing smiled mischievously. "I can play this game all night." He ran after Dracula.

Dracula climbed up a tree and hugged a branch. "Ha! You can't get me up here, Gabriel! I'm too high up!" He blew a raspberry at him.

"Oh yeah?" Van Helsing asked incredulously. He backed up a bit, and he rammed his head into the tree, causing Dracula to fall out. He held out his arms to catch Dracula.

"Did I mention that the werewolf venom has made you very strong?" Dracula asked. He pulled out a big branch and whacked Van Helsing senseless. "Back! Take that, you bloodthirsty beast that's way worse than I am!" When Van Helsing was knocked unconscious, Dracula made a run for it.

As he ran Dracula figured out, "Wait! I have a cure back home! I've always wondered when it will be put into good use." He turned into a bat creature and flew off for his fortress.

Meanwhile, Anna, Carl, and Frankie ran into the forest, looking for Van Helsing. "Gabriel!" Anna called out.

"Van Helsing, where are you?" Carl asked.

The three heard moaning, and they found Van Helsing lying on the ground. "There he is!" Frankie cried.

Anna picked Van Helsing up as she said, "C'mon! Wake up! You must defeat-I mean, eat Dracula and give him the most painful death imaginable to an undead brute!" She kissed Van Helsing to see if that would wake him up, and it worked.

"What just happened?" Van Helsing asked when he opened his eyes.

"Dracula has escaped for his castle, and we must go after him," Anna explained.

"Why?"

"He's got the cure for the werewolf curse."

"And he's trying to make sure he doesn't become a werewolf's meal," Carl added.

Van Helsing grew mad again. "THAT TASTY SCUMBAG! He's gonna pay for that!" He ran for Castle Dracula, with Anna, Carl, and Frankie following him.


End file.
